Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
