k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
