Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, beer. Big fan.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
