just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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