"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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