He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
