I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
