i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize