you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
