respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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