I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
foreskin is a definite game changer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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