turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
