His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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