We won't sleep together?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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