The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
