i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
