im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
