weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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