connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
