he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
