i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize