Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
