my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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