somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
