Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I die, sorry about rent.