my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
