I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Green mimosas i think yes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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