So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
