Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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