My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
