U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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