Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
