i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
