think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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