I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
