We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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