She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
