fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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