apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
