I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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