i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
