just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
