is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
