I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
