I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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