Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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