I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
