I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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