Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
