barbara walters just said penis...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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