Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
