i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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