i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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