This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
