in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
