Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I will pee on everything he values.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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