i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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