I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
