We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
