meet me or not, i'm out of control
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
