my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
