He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
