I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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