mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Boobs are out for the taking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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