you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
