I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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