Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
