All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
