My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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