You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
