You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
