If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
