have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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