I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
