her facebook's as public as her vagina
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
