So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
