All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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