Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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